William Shakespeare wrote:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…
We all live in the theater of the world, performing on our unique stages. Depending on your life’s journey, you will play different roles. Shakespeare discusses this progression of life in the rest of his narrative. My philosophy is that you need a personal transformational story to avoid becoming a victim of the chaos in the world—one that will protect your mind, empower you to be resilient, and keep you moving in the right direction.
Without a transformational story, you risk becoming an extension of the personal and professional chaos I call dysfunctional drama. In your personal life, you may deal with inconsistent, fickle, and flaky so-called friends with their quirky idiosyncrasies. Then there are family members who seem to thrive on creating negative drama daily. It feels like they actively search for problems, and when none exist, they retreat into the laboratory of their deranged thinking and manufacture a monster—just like Dr. Frankenstein.
The drama continues the moment you step foot into your workplace. Perhaps you have to cope with a boss who seems to have been hired by Satan himself to make your life miserable. For forty hours a week, you endure their dysfunction, manifested in poor communication, incompetence, a lack of self-awareness, and a blatant disregard for your well-being. They pile on unnecessary processes, unprofitable work, and meaningless science projects that neither move the needle nor help you do your job. To make matters worse, you are judged by their unrealistic and pointless expectations.
If you’re married with children, after work, you log off or come home to a spouse who treats you like a roommate. Despite sharing financial and parental responsibilities, the lack of intimacy, recreation, and deep connection makes your relationship feel like a business arrangement. It becomes boring and monotonous. And then, tragedy strikes in the form of a health or financial crisis, exposing the shallow foundation of your relationship. The house you built together sinks. Some blame life or their spouse instead of owning their responsibility to put in the work. It’s a cop-out. It didn’t just happen; they failed to uphold the vows they made at the marriage altar: for better or for worse. Let’s be real—love isn’t a non-stop party with your best friend; it’s work.
One of the main reasons we struggle to play our roles and live our best lives is because we lack a transformational story. Instead, we live by an origin or default story.
The difference is simple:
I have interviewed, coached, prayed with, and supported countless couples, families, friends, and even strangers on how to thrive in a chaotic world. I have helped formerly incarcerated individuals rebuild their lives. I took in someone addicted to crack cocaine, allowing them to live with me. In the process, I learned more about myself than I ever could by looking in a mirror. I watched them fight like a mixed martial artist, battling their addiction. I was their coach—cheering, training, and loving them to victory.
My wife and I have also helped struggling families in many ways, even offering our home as a refuge while they got back on their feet. We protected their identity and respected their dignity because we knew that we were no better than they were. The truth is, in a moment’s notice, we could have fallen victim to the same hardships.
Hardship, adversity, and pain were the themes of what I call the first chapter of my life. I was fatherless, homeless at one point, trapped in multi-generational poverty, and raised in a crime-infested environment. These challenges had a chokehold on me—just like Darth Vader using the Force to strangle Admiral Motti.
But while those experiences were painful, life’s paradox is that they also shaped my resilience. They gave me the mental strength to not just survive—but thrive in a chaotic world.
The only way to get through any challenge is to grow through it. Growth equals change. The chaos you endure doesn’t break or make you—it forces you to decide:
This is what transformation means. Your transformational story clarifies how you must change to be resilient. It guides your thoughts, words, and actions—just like a script in a dramatic play.
Life is hard, and I don’t want to oversell positive thinking as some do. The truth is, there are some things you can’t recover from—no matter how positive you are. For example, if you lose your vision, you can’t restore it through good thoughts. However, you can adapt your mindset to always live out the principles outlined in your transformational story.
As you navigate life’s storms, it is your transformational story—not the storm—that will keep you on course. Without a story, you are like a reed bending in the wind, going wherever life’s chaos takes you. But with a transformational story, you define, refine, and live with purpose, resilience, and meaning.
Thank you for reading. If you want more cues to live a resilient life, check out my podcast, The NEXCUE Mindset, where you’ll hear powerful stories of people who developed a resilient mindset after enduring some of life’s worst experiences.
Listen now. Or, if you need additional support in developing your transformational story, visit my website and schedule a chat at nexcues.com.
