A ride in the wrong car will cost you your life—choose the right one!
When I learned about the shooting of Ryan Hinton, I had mixed emotions. I was disappointed by the fact that a single decision has taken two lives, and the fate of Ryan’s father is to come. I am not going to rehash the course of events. I am sharing my words of leadership wisdom to help young people avoid this mistake.
I am not going to pass judgement because I can relate. In my teenage years, I did not don a halo, even though I was the quiet one. I used to associate and participate in inappropriate activities with some of my friends. It was all part of the culture of my old neighborhood. I hung out with a variety of friends. I put the type of people I kept company with into five categories:
At some point in our youth, we have acted like one of these five types of people.
To be transparent, I used to go joyriding a lot with my rule-breaking and risk-taking friends. For some reason, I just had an affinity for them. I recall a time when a few of us went cruising, in our neighborhood and beyond. None of us was old enough to have a driver’s license. And I don’t know how my rule-breaking friend got the car. But I do know it was not stolen…at least that is what my friend told us. On that joyride, we were all having our version of fun, in the summertime. I recall we drove up Burnett Avenue, turned on Martin Luther King Drive, and back to Rockdale Avenue. While on Martin Luther King Drive, my friend decided he wanted to “gun it.” I don’t even know how fast he accelerated, but it was not safe. And none of us were wearing seatbelts. It was only by the grace of God that nothing happened! I still can’t believe there was no police officer in sight.
Talk to your future self before you get in the car
Have a conversation with yourself out loud about what you are going to do. I literally mean, talk to yourself. Look into the future and think about what could possibly go wrong if you get into that car. Don’t sugar coat it. This is the one and only time you will ever hear me say this: be as negative as you can. Visualize the most painful consequences that can happen to you. Also, think about how it will impact your friends, family, and community.
Forget your friends, if they are tugging on you to have fun. You will hear in athemic tones, “Come on bro, roll with us.” Ignore it! Even if you initially agreed to jump in the car and ride with them, remember, you have a right to change your mind. This is the time to hold out. Get past your emotions in thinking what they will think. You can make new friends if they leave you. But you can’t make a new body if you are badly injured. What if you are paralyzed as a result of an accident?
Think of the positive things that can happen if you walk away. Your imagination is extremely powerful. It will believe whatever you tell it. Use it to envision yourself doing the best thing for you. Bump your friends and walk, dude.
Make up your mind and roll with the right people
There are two cars in life where, metaphorically speaking, we will either be the passenger or driver. One leads to failure and the other to success. Decide what you want out of life before you get inside any car. It is not your momma’s or daddy’s job to decide for you!
Don’t live your life like Alice in Wonderland. Make up your ______ (fill in the blank) mind and get in the right car! Either car you get in will lead you to your destiny.
None of us think about our future before we get in the car of life. That’s plain crazy. You would not call an Uber without giving the app the address first. Why would you not give your future an address that leads to your success? Part of the reason we fail to think ahead is our inexperience. And the other part is due to a lack of leadership training at home.
The car we choose to get in will transport us to one of two destinies. Good or bad. It’s that simple. Whichever car we choose brings us closer to one or the other. There is no third option.
Which one are you going to choose? I have broken down the destiny of the two cars to their lowest common denominator:
| Bad Destiny Car | Good Destiny Car |
| A 30-minute ride with people who engage in illicit behavior could turn into a 30-year prison sentence. | A 30-minute ride with a mentor could turn into 30 years of prosperity. |
| A 30-minute high-speed ride down the highway could result in an accidental fatality and a lifetime of guilt, shame, and imprisonment. | A 30-minute ride to college, church, or a career fair could result in a fulfilling and meaningful life. |
| Bliss-filled but life-threatening. | Boring in the beginning but life empowering overall. |
| Pointless | Purposeful |
| Regretful | Rewarding |
| Death | Life |
I have been in a car with guns, drugs, and girls and guys who were going nowhere good. But when I got in the car with people with goals, and plans to grow themselves, we drove ourselves to our greatness.
Be stubborn as a mule
If your “boys” were like mine, they are not going to easily let you off the hook. They will push your buttons and challenge your ego. Don’t let your testosterone deceive you into believing you are Superman. Fools can’t be heroes. Don’t fall for it. Be stubborn as a mule. Popular culture would have you think that mules are dumb, but they are not. Mules can’t be incentivized, bribed by food, or forced to work when they don’t feel like it. If they reach their physical limit, they will just sit down. Sit your behind down! Let them drive off and leave you. Say buh-bye with a smile. Text them a peace sign emoji.
Monthly, I visit the state prison to coach inmates who are incarcerated for life or on death row. Every one of them wished they had said no. Your no is a yes to a better outcome for your life. Your yes to a dumb decision is saying no to your success. There are thousands of people who first said, “No.” but caved to the pressure and said, “Yes”. Now they are sitting in a cell saying no to living a better life, for decades.
Let them call you names, body parts, and a coward. It will hurt at first, but you will get over it. Be a mule!
Tell the truth and set yourself free
One of my older mentors shared that, in his youth, he got into a car with his friends to go joyriding. The car belonged to my mentor’s friend’s older brother. My mentor told his friends that he was not going to engage in any illegal activity. Furthermore, he said that he would tell the truth if they did anything illegal. So, the driver drove down the street and made a stop. Someone approached the car and asked them to engage in criminal behavior. My mentor refused but his friends participated. The crime they committed involved assault and robbery of multiple people.
After an investigation by the police department’s detective, one of the victims identified those who assaulted and robbed them. Everybody in the car was taken into custody and arrested, except for my mentor. Because my mentor refused to participate and told the truth, the police let him go free.
Lead yourself
My mentor shared with me that his father did not tolerate nonsense. He was an effective leader inside the home. The influence of his father’s leadership followed him in the car. His father’s principles of honesty and integrity influenced him to do the right thing.
But what if you were like me–my father was never in my life and still isn’t–and you don’t have a father or a male role model? Look for one outside of your circle. If you can’t find anyone, then you must learn how to lead yourself. Yep, lead yourself. Now leading yourself is hard, especially when you are in an environment filled with bad examples of leadership. I was surrounded by a lot of bad examples. But I made a decision to lead myself. How can you make the same decision and lead yourself? You must use your imagination to see another version of you. You must see yourself as strong, powerful, and indomitable. Imagine that version of you leading you to a better place. Do not place limitations on that version of you. Write words of affirmation to empower you to think like that version of you. Repeat and internalize those words of affirmation every day.
Today, break the cycle. You have the power to choose to be that version of you who decides to get in the right car. Choose. You are worth it. Riding in the right car is worth it.
Visit my website to get more cues on how to live a great life! NEXCUE!
