Initially, I was reluctant to attend after a friend invited me. I read the invitation and was skeptical — one of the activities was line dancing. What?! Yeah, you read that correctly.
I asked my friend, What is this really about? While I don’t have a stigma about getting mental health check-ups or counseling, this made me wonder if the event was legit. Even my friend questioned that activity but couldn’t provide a solid explanation for why it was on the schedule. On top of that, the event was sponsored by women. For that reason — and out of curiosity — I wanted to see for myself. So, I registered.
To my surprise, it was an incredibly valuable experience. Here are the key lessons I took away from it.
Every Man Wrestles with His Insecurities
Dr. Mike Scruggs, Senior Pastor of the Light of the World Church, shared that every man, regardless of race or age, is a wrestler. His main opponent isn’t some bare-chested savage in a square circle. His adversary is his own insecurity. While every man has insecurities, there are four primary ones he will wrestle with in his lifetime:
Dr. Scruggs emphasized that most men define themselves by what they do. In a man’s mind, his value is directly tied to his life’s activity. The danger in this mindset is that a man’s identity becomes connected to something that can be taken, lost, or diminished in value.
For example, if a man defines himself by his job and then gets fired or demoted, he may feel like he has lost his significance. Dr. Scruggs argued that instead, a man should define himself by his relationship with God. God is eternal, immeasurable, and unchanging. If a man finds his identity in God, his value remains constant. He can lose everything and still have worth because he is connected to an infinite source of value. Since God is all-powerful, He provides the strength and resources for a man to remain secure even when temporary things are taken from him.
Define Your Purpose Before You Follow Your Second Head
All the facilitators and many participants agreed that a man would experience greater prosperity if he did not follow his “second head” — his penis. We discussed how many men suffer financial setbacks because they fail to calculate the cost of engaging in sex without a solid plan for the consequences. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, but when it becomes a man’s main priority, it often leads to poor choices and unintended consequences.
The discussion intensified as we examined the economic and emotional devastation caused by unplanned moments of pleasure. Beyond sex, we also explored other indulgences that can lead to serious challenges if self-control isn’t exercised.
The beauty of this conversation was twofold. First, older men shared their mistakes with younger men and explained what they did to rectify them. Second, for many in the audience — myself included — this was the first time they had ever had a conversation with another man about sexual intimacy. While it wasn’t the most conventional setting for this discussion, it was a safe and supportive environment.
Ultimately, we concluded that it is our responsibility to become the men we respect, admire, and want to be. We cannot blame the system, run from our duty to pay child support, or get angry at policies created in response to failures in our communities. We didn’t sugarcoat, race-bait, or deny our shortcomings. We owned our role in some of the dysfunctions in our families. Furthermore, we agreed that we must define our purpose before indulging in pleasure.
Find the Right People
My third takeaway came from Terrance Bacchus, author, speaker, and president of TeeTalksMoney. He spoke about the importance of breaking negative cycles within our lives and families. His most memorable point was that no one achieves success alone — success requires hard work, networking, and support from the right people.
He shared how his career trajectory was shaped by caring individuals, some of whom didn’t look like him. To be blunt, he acknowledged that white people helped him along his journey, in addition to the love and support he received from his family. Terrance made it clear that we must let go of biases, swallow our pride, and be open to receiving help. There are people in this world whose purpose is to uplift others, regardless of race, religion, or creed.
For this reason, if you want to go far, break negative cycles, and accomplish great things, you must build a network of authentic and resourceful individuals.
Affirm and Encourage Each Other to Be Great
In the final hour of the program, we divided the room into two groups — older men on one side, younger men on the other. The older men shared words of encouragement, and the younger men acknowledged their wisdom, responding with words of affirmation.
By the end of the event, I had exchanged business cards, made meaningful connections, and committed to supporting future conferences. It was truly a rich experience.
Thank you for reading. To get more insights on living a resilient life, visit my website, nexcues.com.
Until next time, take your cues from me and live a great life!
